Understanding
by Shara
Summary: Luke finds out the truth about his father...will the shock destroy him?


Another one-parter. This one is set at the end of ESB. It's about what Luke   
felt after he found out that Vader is his father.  
  
The window takes up an entire wall, ceiling to floor and the stars shine   
brightly outside. The crew of the ship go about their duties, not seeming   
to notice me standing here. I flex my new hand experimentally. It feels   
different...alien.  
  
I keep my eyes on the stars, on their bright shining light. From this   
distance they look as though they are twinkling, creating a myriad of   
sparkles in the black sky.  
  
I hear a gasp coming from my right-hand side and I jump, fear shooting   
through me. I can't be. He can't be here. I sneak a glance. It is only one   
of the crew, gasping with laughter. The sound is cruel.  
  
I take a few deep breaths, trying desperately to calm down, but who can be   
calm? I failed. He's alive and he's out there, more vicious than ever.  
  
'Who?' a malicious voice in my head asks me. 'Who's out there, Luke?' I   
close my eyes, trying to stop the tears that threaten to stream down my   
cheeks.  
  
It can't be. It's impossible. But those arguments won't work, will they?   
They certainly had no effect when I was screaming them at HIM and he is the   
cause of all my problems.  
  
Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker...my father,  
  
For so many years I daydreamed of what it would be like if he returned to   
Tatooine...he's be a hero, a man I could be proud of. One I could introduce   
to my friends, and feel so shame when I said the words 'hey, guys, this is   
my father'.  
  
That's certainly possible, anymore. After all, he's tried to kill most of   
my friends. I introduce him to Leia and Han and they would go for their   
blasters before I could finish the sentence. That is if he hadn't killed   
them first. He's certainly not a person you would want to admit to be   
descended from.  
  
Like most orphans I wanted nothing more that I wanted a family. A mother, a   
father, brothers and sisters, all of who would love me. I care deeply for   
Owen and Beru, but I always got the feeling they looked after me more out   
of duty than any real affection for me.  
  
It hurts. Not only has my most cherished dream been torn cruelly away from   
me, but it has been tainted as well, by the very man who is supposed to   
help me achieve my dreams.  
  
I reach desperately for the comfort of the stars, looking for something,   
anything to reassure me. But there is nothing, just like the place where my   
father's heart should be. An empty space.  
  
I can't help the sobs that begin to escape me now; I have no control over   
them. Each one wracks my body harder than the last, and I swear I'm   
falling, falling...  
  
I can't do this myself! Why can't everyone see that? There are so many   
people on this ship, why can't anyone see how much pain I'm in? Does anyone   
care?  
  
I don't remember ever feeling so alone. How can I say that Darth Vader is   
my father? How can I even think it? If I told anyone, they would think I   
was the monster he is!  
  
How can he be my father? He tried to kill me! What kind of father would try   
to kill his own son?  
  
What could possibly have happened? How could the good man t I've been told   
existed become so consumed by darkness?  
  
He was supposed to be this wonderful role model, a man I could look up to   
and try to emulate. Yeah, good one Uncle Owen. You really want me to act   
like that?  
  
Uncle Owen...he must have known. Beru too, and of course Ben would   
have...Ben. He lied to me. He looked me in the eyes, and when I needed the   
truth the most, he lied to me. How could they have kept this a secret? I   
had a right to know what he had become. What made them think they had the   
authority to screw around with my life like this?  
  
I realize I am becoming hysterical and I start to run carefully through the   
Jedi calming techniques I have been taught.  
  
There is no emotion, there is peace...  
  
There is no emotion...  
  
And I realize all of a sudden why I have become so upset. Because of him.   
Because of Vader. Everything I am feeling, he is feeling too. The link that   
has always been between us, faint and fragile has become strong and   
unbreakable.  
  
I reach tentatively along the bond, not sure what reaction I will receive.   
I encounter a wall of rage and despair that easily equals mine. The strange   
thing is, my adversary  
  
your father  
  
doesn't seem to realize that I'm here. Under all of his anger, it surprises   
me to find grief. I jump quickly out of his mind, and back into my own,   
disgusted. How dare he! He is the one who has destroyed everything, who   
sold his soul, and the entire galaxy, simply for power. He's the one  
  
*'Oh, Luke, he's not that bad.'* the voice in my head this time is sweet,   
feminine. I look around, and as I expected, there is no one there.  
  
'What do you mean?' I think. Of course he's that bad. He's worse in fact.  
  
*'He's just misguided. He's gotten him so entangled in this mess that he no   
longer knows the way out. Underneath that armor, Vader is still that little   
boy that I wet in a junk shop all those years ago...'*  
  
'Who are you?' There is a tinkling laugh.  
  
*'I'm Padmé.'*  
  
'You knew my father?'  
  
*'Correction. I know your father. I may be dead, my dear, but I am not   
gone.'*  
  
'Let me guess. He killed you.' The voice turns slightly angry.  
  
*'Your father never kills those he loves. Look inside yourself Luke. You   
must be able to see that.'*  
  
I am silent. I don't know what I see or feel anymore. I hear Padmé sigh.  
  
*'I have to go, there are rules about this sort of thing. Trust in   
yourself, Luke. You have your father's love, that is something that will   
never change. I'm so very proud of you.'* With that, Padmé is gone. I don't   
know why, but I am glad she is proud of me. Its something I desperately   
want all of a sudden.  
  
Padmé may have left, but she has certainly given me a lot to think about.   
Would my father have killed me? Something deep inside me, something that   
transcends the person I have come to know as Luke Skywalker tells me he   
wouldn't.  
  
But what does that mean? That he isn't as evil as the galaxy believes he   
is? That maybe, just maybe, I still have a chance to get him back?  
  
I get up, the tears and pain forgotten. I know what I have to do, and the   
strength of my resolve consumes me, filling all the empty places left in my   
heart.  
  
Leia comes up beside me, and we hold each other, both of us drawing   
strength from the connection.  
  
I have a new purpose and I will succeed. For Padmé, and everyone else that   
loved him, I will succeed.   
  
Anakin Skywalker will be redeemed. That is a promise.  
  
Outside the window, the stars continue to shine in their eternal pattern of   
white and black.  



End file.
